HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize