I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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