so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
