He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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