I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The air taste purple.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
