I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
