sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
