I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
