I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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