I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
