I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
