I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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