Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
