and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
