They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
