he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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