so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
