If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
