my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
