For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
