You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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