So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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