i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
