Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
