I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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