I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
