please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
