is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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