Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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