don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Success! We fucked roommates!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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