so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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