i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
