Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
