I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
