I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
