At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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