good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My penis needs a shock collar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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