I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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