Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
