I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
