his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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