i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize