I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
