fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die, sorry about rent.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
