he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
