Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
