i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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