drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize