Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
