I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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