I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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