Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
