Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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