I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We left the knife in your bed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
