i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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