Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
