i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
