does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
