You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
