this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
tell me about the eggs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
