We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
