Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
