mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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