I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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