It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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