Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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