Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
