So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shame - the story of my life.
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